I know how you feel. I find that I can't come up with good answers on my own because I'm too emotional about it. I go to the wisest person I know (my dad) and talk with him. Usually he's able to help clear things up for me in a very sane, reasonable way. I know exactly what it's like to feel like just ditching whatever is in the way, but usually it isn't as all or nothing as it seems. Usually there is a solution in changing the way you do things. For example, perhaps your 13-year-old could carpool with someone in her group, or you could take a sketchbook or paint box along with you on your trips. Possibly there are other times in your schedule that are not being used to their full potential.
I'm not mature enough to speak into your last question, but it seems like learning patience is a life-long process :)
Getting things done is overrated. I do get antsy when I can't focus, but if I HAVE to focus, I can. You are focused on being there for your girl. That's what must be done right now. She needs you. When I feel pressured and rushed, I feel pushed to please and do more than I really can. I've been doing that for too long and I'm stopping. I will move at my peaceful pace. That's what I CAN do. Our art life ebbs and flows. Maybe you could carry a small sketch book and a box of fine colored pencils for small moments of free time that occur while you wait. Carry your camera and pop out of the car to take pictures of the horses (I'd LOVE that!) Debbie, I go to bed SO early and get up SO early. I used to burn the midnight oil, drinking too much coffee and working late into the night. I CAN'T get as much done as I could when I was younger and when I feel tired, I go to bed and Bill does, too! All the things you love to do, the creating that comes naturally to you and the nesting at home that you love (me, too!) will all come back to you. It will. Now when I huddle up with Jesus, I am so grateful for his generous grace bestowed on this silly little hen! Thank you for your forthright post.
If you don't mind, I'm going to ask what may be a really tough question, for you to consider because I know I have to do that when I start bearing fleshly fruit (which is what you describe here):
Of the two kingdoms, (God's and your own) whose kingdom rules your heart, and which one have you been laboring for in reality?
We certainly do have our physical limitations and human frailties. I know that I can't multitask like I used to be able to do, and I can't do nearly the things I did when I was younger (maybe that's why we're the most fertile when we're younger). I think that wisdom does call for us not to overschedule. But Psalm 32 and 121 are both so very helpful on a deeper level and they each, in their own way, call us to a certain action - to turn to the Lord. One of the very first lessons I learned as a brand new Christian is that I can't grab hold of Christ until I let go of me. Scary as it may be, but He is better, stronger, and far more faithful. He also promises to be a rewarder of those who seek Him (Heb. 11:6). I know you know these things, but I also know how much it helps to be reminded from time to time.
Your post really speaks to where so many of us live! I have a 3 older kids, and then a 12 yo girl. In our 30's, we seem to understand that our lives are dedicated to raising kids, but by the time we're pushing 50 (hard!), we seem to think it's "me-time"! But there are still kids to raise, and as Pom said, she needs you.
I also heartily agree with the last poster who asked the kingdom question. Art is very important, but the only eternal things in your household are the souls who live there. Invest in eternal rewards in your daughter.
However, that doesn't mean you have to set aside everything so she can have her "activities." She needs to understand you have a life too, interests too. I think most teens need to cut back on this. They're not home enough. Sometimes with homeschooled kids, we feel guilty b/c they ARE home for school, and we over-extend with social activities. That leaves you NO time for yourself, since you're schooling her and then driving her around.
But the issue you began with is your attitude -- the grumpy dissatisfaction. Friend, you must get rid of that b/c it will spoil both your art and your relationship with your daughter. Look around you: you have a gorgeous house, income, a rich life, health, a solid family, and you're a child of God. In perspective, we've been out of work for nearly a year, have lost our house, and do not have good prospects. Life is unraveling. Please, please enjoy and be thankful for all that you have. It can so quickly be stripped away. One accident horseback-riding, and life could forever change for your daughter and yourself. Blessings to you, sister in Christ. May He help you as you struggle with these things.
I know that driving around all afternoon/evening saps me too. I am ready to have a nervous breakdown by the end of my boys' football season. For that reason I tell them no winter sports, so that we have more free time (there are still music lessons, church activities, etc.). But I know that the only way to keep going is to abide in Jesus, and then you will also be bearing the fruit he has in mind for you right now. One more thought -- it's winter! Our bodies and minds are more in tune with the seasons than we would like, I think. Sometimes we just have to push through!
I've had this problem for years. I have such a craving to follow my artistic interests and no time or energy to do it at age 55!
After homeschooling my kids I had to go to work eight years ago because my hubby was disabled and we couldn't make it on his income. My daughter who was 13 at the time was involved in everything under the sun and my hubby spent several hours a day driving her back and forth to things. I feel that she really needed this involvement, and now we are both glad he took the time to do that because it kept her very active mind occupied with positive things. When she was 16 she got a car and then she could drive herself, though we had to help her some with insurance and such. It was worth it!
Now that my kids are grown I thought I finally had all the time I wanted to pursue artistic things. Nope! Now our daughter and her hubby and baby are living with us (temporarily) and since I'm working and going to college and helping babysit there is still little time.
I try to remember that people are more important than my drawings or music. I really feel like I'm learning to lay down my life for others. It's something I have difficulty learning and so the lesson goes on.
I try to carve out some time to enjoy art now and then. I'm not making a living at it, it's just something I love to do, but it is an incessant cry in my heart. Someday I'd love to write a book as well. I have to be patient and wait until the time for that is right. For the present I can jot down notes and do sketches as I have a spare moment, but if I begin to resent my husband (for needing me to spend some time with him) or my kids for needing our help then I'm on the wrong track. Jesus put people first and I have to do that as well.
If I never get to do my art thing in this life I know the Lord will more than make up for it in the eternal life to come. Satan really loves to push my "poor little me" button on this topic, and I'll probably have to keep up the fight as long as I live.
I've been thinking about this same issue quite a bit lately - the split between work and identity. The ideal is to have no division between the two, so that you do what you are. I work full time outside the home in a job I really don't like, and would love to have more time to be available for my 17 year old daughter - although she says I do just fine as things are. Enjoy your time with your daughter - it's so precious.
As far as getting things done is concerned, I know I get tired more easily, but I find I also value time when I'm not doing anything. Perhaps it's because my day job is so frantic that I'm realising that we can't be on the go all the time. A bit of time NOT achieving anything can be restorative!
And this time of year is difficult. A strange, restless time, before spring has come.
7 comments:
I know how you feel. I find that I can't come up with good answers on my own because I'm too emotional about it. I go to the wisest person I know (my dad) and talk with him. Usually he's able to help clear things up for me in a very sane, reasonable way. I know exactly what it's like to feel like just ditching whatever is in the way, but usually it isn't as all or nothing as it seems. Usually there is a solution in changing the way you do things. For example, perhaps your 13-year-old could carpool with someone in her group, or you could take a sketchbook or paint box along with you on your trips. Possibly there are other times in your schedule that are not being used to their full potential.
I'm not mature enough to speak into your last question, but it seems like learning patience is a life-long process :)
Getting things done is overrated. I do get antsy when I can't focus, but if I HAVE to focus, I can. You are focused on being there for your girl. That's what must be done right now. She needs you.
When I feel pressured and rushed, I feel pushed to please and do more than I really can. I've been doing that for too long and I'm stopping. I will move at my peaceful pace. That's what I CAN do.
Our art life ebbs and flows. Maybe you could carry a small sketch book and a box of fine colored pencils for small moments of free time that occur while you wait. Carry your camera and pop out of the car to take pictures of the horses (I'd LOVE that!)
Debbie, I go to bed SO early and get up SO early. I used to burn the midnight oil, drinking too much coffee and working late into the night. I CAN'T get as much done as I could when I was younger and when I feel tired, I go to bed and Bill does, too! All the things you love to do, the creating that comes naturally to you and the nesting at home that you love (me, too!) will all come back to you. It will.
Now when I huddle up with Jesus, I am so grateful for his generous grace bestowed on this silly little hen!
Thank you for your forthright post.
If you don't mind, I'm going to ask what may be a really tough question, for you to consider because I know I have to do that when I start bearing fleshly fruit (which is what you describe here):
Of the two kingdoms, (God's and your own) whose kingdom rules your heart, and which one have you been laboring for in reality?
We certainly do have our physical limitations and human frailties. I know that I can't multitask like I used to be able to do, and I can't do nearly the things I did when I was younger (maybe that's why we're the most fertile when we're younger). I think that wisdom does call for us not to overschedule. But Psalm 32 and 121 are both so very helpful on a deeper level and they each, in their own way, call us to a certain action - to turn to the Lord. One of the very first lessons I learned as a brand new Christian is that I can't grab hold of Christ until I let go of me. Scary as it may be, but He is better, stronger, and far more faithful. He also promises to be a rewarder of those who seek Him (Heb. 11:6). I know you know these things, but I also know how much it helps to be reminded from time to time.
Much love and many prayers, Sister.
Your post really speaks to where so many of us live! I have a 3 older kids, and then a 12 yo girl. In our 30's, we seem to understand that our lives are dedicated to raising kids, but by the time we're pushing 50 (hard!), we seem to think it's "me-time"! But there are still kids to raise, and as Pom said, she needs you.
I also heartily agree with the last poster who asked the kingdom question. Art is very important, but the only eternal things in your household are the souls who live there. Invest in eternal rewards in your daughter.
However, that doesn't mean you have to set aside everything so she can have her "activities." She needs to understand you have a life too, interests too. I think most teens need to cut back on this. They're not home enough. Sometimes with homeschooled kids, we feel guilty b/c they ARE home for school, and we over-extend with social activities. That leaves you NO time for yourself, since you're schooling her and then driving her around.
But the issue you began with is your attitude -- the grumpy dissatisfaction. Friend, you must get rid of that b/c it will spoil both your art and your relationship with your daughter. Look around you: you have a gorgeous house, income, a rich life, health, a solid family, and you're a child of God. In perspective, we've been out of work for nearly a year, have lost our house, and do not have good prospects. Life is unraveling. Please, please enjoy and be thankful for all that you have. It can so quickly be stripped away. One accident horseback-riding, and life could forever change for your daughter and yourself. Blessings to you, sister in Christ. May He help you as you struggle with these things.
I know that driving around all afternoon/evening saps me too. I am ready to have a nervous breakdown by the end of my boys' football season. For that reason I tell them no winter sports, so that we have more free time (there are still music lessons, church activities, etc.). But I know that the only way to keep going is to abide in Jesus, and then you will also be bearing the fruit he has in mind for you right now. One more thought -- it's winter! Our bodies and minds are more in tune with the seasons than we would like, I think. Sometimes we just have to push through!
These ladies have so many good comments!
I've had this problem for years. I have such a craving to follow my artistic interests and no time or energy to do it at age 55!
After homeschooling my kids I had to go to work eight years ago because my hubby was disabled and we couldn't make it on his income. My daughter who was 13 at the time was involved in everything under the sun and my hubby spent several hours a day driving her back and forth to things. I feel that she really needed this involvement, and now we are both glad he took the time to do that because it kept her very active mind occupied with positive things. When she was 16 she got a car and then she could drive herself, though we had to help her some with insurance and such. It was worth it!
Now that my kids are grown I thought I finally had all the time I wanted to pursue artistic things. Nope! Now our daughter and her hubby and baby are living with us (temporarily) and since I'm working and going to college and helping babysit there is still little time.
I try to remember that people are more important than my drawings or music. I really feel like I'm learning to lay down my life for others. It's something I have difficulty learning and so the lesson goes on.
I try to carve out some time to enjoy art now and then. I'm not making a living at it, it's just something I love to do, but it is an incessant cry in my heart.
Someday I'd love to write a book as well. I have to be patient and wait until the time for that is right. For the present I can jot down notes and do sketches as I have a spare moment, but if I begin to resent my husband (for needing me to spend some time with him) or my kids for needing our help then I'm on the wrong track. Jesus put people first and I have to do that as well.
If I never get to do my art thing in this life I know the Lord will more than make up for it in the eternal life to come. Satan really loves to push my "poor little me" button on this topic, and I'll probably have to keep up the fight as long as I live.
God bless you as you seek to do God's will!
I've been thinking about this same issue quite a bit lately - the split between work and identity. The ideal is to have no division between the two, so that you do what you are. I work full time outside the home in a job I really don't like, and would love to have more time to be available for my 17 year old daughter - although she says I do just fine as things are. Enjoy your time with your daughter - it's so precious.
As far as getting things done is concerned, I know I get tired more easily, but I find I also value time when I'm not doing anything. Perhaps it's because my day job is so frantic that I'm realising that we can't be on the go all the time. A bit of time NOT achieving anything can be restorative!
And this time of year is difficult. A strange, restless time, before spring has come.
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