Being Introverted in the 21st Century

"She, like every one else, had to find out by experience in what mode of life she could best adjust herself to the twin facts of her own personality and the moment of time in which destiny had planted it, and she was lucky perhaps that she found out so early." A City of Bells by Elizabeth Goudge.

I keep finding nuggets of wisdom to share from this book. There will only be a few more, and then I'll be done. The above sentence resonated with me, because I've always thought I should have lived in an earlier time. My personality really isn't suited to the fastness of modern life. I have to constantly pull back, reassess, and recover. I think of all the creativity going to waste because of having to do this. Jane Austen's era appeals to me; the quietness and smallness of it.

Wouldn't it be lovely to live in a small English village and walk to church? To shop at individual stores and know the shopkeepers personally? I much prefer visiting individually the baker, greengrocer, shoe repair shop, cleaners, and druggist instead of having them all under one roof. I prefer one-on-one conversations to the noise of the masses.

This contrast of modern city life with 19th-century country life is contrasted in the movie Lost in Austen. I highly recommend this entertaining movie. If you're a Janeite then you'll love it! Mr. Darcy comes through time to modern-day London and calls it "an infernal hellhole". I love London but would call any large city the same. The noise and busyness is hellish to a person with a quiet temperament.

So even though I'm in the fifth decade of my life, I'm just now getting comfortable with what I have to do in order to survive and flourish in the 21st-century. Comfortable meaning that I don't feel like I have to live up to anyone's expectations anymore. Comfortable in being who I am without apologizing. Yes, I'm highly sensitive AND introverted. I'm not a terrible person because I need/want large amounts of quiet time alone. It's not selfishness. It's pure and plain survival!

So all you extroverts...try and understand your introverted friends and family. Don't pressure them to get out more and socialize. There's nothing wrong with preferring being with one or two people rather than a crowd; or even better...being alone!

Yes, I know the importance of balance. But for an introvert in this century, the problem isn't getting out enough. It's having enough quiet, alone time. That's the daily struggle.

The Cure For Boredom

"For those of the current generation the normal reflex when bored is to watch a video or surf the Web. What can we do to help our young people accept the short-term pain of learning creative life skills in order to avoid the long-term pain of chronic subconscious boredom? What can we do to teach them that an addiction to electronic entertainment will shrivel their souls? Many of the short-term solutions to boredom undoubtedly give pleasure. But these are unsustainable and provide only a counterfeit of life and ultimately lead to spiritual emptiness." (p. 124)

Unfortunately,I can't remember where this quote came from. Of the nine books I've read in April, it has to be either What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty or Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict by Laurie Viera Rigler. I'm thinking it must be the Jane Austen one for it made many contrasts between the 19th century and our present time. They're both worth reading. I'll be reviewing Rigler's book here soon.

I think the solution has to be the parents. The most important thing that we can do is to not be addicted to "counterfeit life" ourselves. Our children are going to emulate us. If they see us always connected to a portable device, then that's what they'll want, too. We need to be parents and people who are interested in real life.

My parents and grandparents took me along with them when they did their shopping, visiting, and chores. I learned how to be an adult alongside them. They took an interest in the world and so did I. If I wanted to learn something new which they weren't interested in, they made sure I had lessons. I was in 4-H club where I learned all sorts of things. I read voraciously and was outside most of the day when I wasn't in school or doing chores. The great outdoors is a great teacher! And because of my upbringing, I'm never bored today. In fact, one lifetime isn't enough time to do all the things I'd like to try and accomplish.

I believe many children today have too much leisure time. If they're keep busy and engaged doing chores or being with adults as they work, then when they do have free time, they'll treasure it. Games, books, and toys should be provided for the children to use as well as large quantities of unscheduled time outside. This is when their imaginations are expanded the most and they learn to appreciate nature.

Anyone have any thoughts on how you keep your kids from being bored? Are you bored yourself? Is electronic device addiction something with which you or your children struggle?

Too Many Choices

"This abundance of choice not only makes every transaction take ten times as long as it ought to, but in a strange way actually breeds dissatisfaction. The more there is, the more people crave, and the more they crave, the more they, well, crave more. You have a sense sometimes of being among millions and millions of people needing more and more of everything, constantly, infinitely, unquenchably. We appear to have created a society in which the principal pastime is grazing through retail establishments looking for things-textures, shapes, flavors--not before encountered."

I don't know who made the above quote, but I agree with it. This is why I almost never shop for clothes in a physical store. I shop for what I wear online. I've even bought chocolate, tea, herbs, books, and movie tickets that way. My senses are overwhelmed when there are too many choices. I'll walk into a dress shop, stop, and just stare. The choices are paralyzing, where in a catalog I can see what's for offer in very small bits. And even if something has to be sent back, it's worth it to me not to have to drive to the store, walk in and return the item, and try to find a replacement. It might cost a little extra in shipping, but having peace of mind is worth a few dollars.

Hannah Coulter and a Vanishing Way of Life

As I sit to write this post, I have an aching heart, lump in my throat, and unshed tears burning behind my eyes. All because of a book I almost didn't finish. I was ready to put it down around page forty, because of its slowness. But since it was for bookgroup, and I hate not to have read the book, I kept on. I'm so glad I did.

This is the first writing I've read by Mr. Wendell Berry. Oh, I've heard plenty about him. Lots of people talk about his poetry and admire his lifestyle of being a farmer AND an intellectual. So I've been meaning to read him for a long time, and when a member of the bookgroup picked this particular book to read, I was glad. Now, at long last, I'd read Wendell Berry.

He's written several books that take place in Port William, Hannah Coulter being one of them. And this one is written from a woman's point of view. That was the first thing that struck me as amazing. How could a man know and describe a woman's heart so well? I don't understand. I could no more write a book from a man's point of view than I could turn into a man. I just couldn't do it. Mr. Berry must have an extraordinarily developed sense of empathy. I wonder what it's like to be his wife? I'd like to meet and have a good long visit with her.

The book is about community life in Port William and how interdependent all the inhabitants are on each other, not only socially but economically. They call themselves 'the membership'. They remind me in many ways of the Amish and Mennonite groups the way they all come together to help bring in each other's harvests and have barn raisings and other gatherings to support each other.

I remember life being this way during my childhood in the late 50's and early 60's. I grew up on my grandparents' farm in a very small town in the Tennessee mountains. Life revolved around community and what was happening with each other. The children played outside until dark in the summertime while the adults finished chores or visited on the front porch. Life was slow and savored.

On Sunday afternoons, we'd go over to my daddy's parents' house and visit all afternoon. We only lived a few miles from them but didn't often see them during the week. The women would sit inside and talk about their children and recipes while the men stayed on the porch talking politics and other things newsworthy. I much preferred the company of the men as I thought their topics of conversation so much more interesting than the women's in the next room. Often my uncle would bring out his guitar and he, my daddy, my grandpa, and anybody else there would sing old hymns together.

Children then would sit quietly in the presence of their elders and listen if they were interested or go off and play with each other. Now that I think about it, I was usually the only one who loved listening to them. I learned much about life from my listening.

So other than Hannah Coulter being about her life, it's also about two ways of life; one dying life beginning after WW II and the new one taking its place. It's about the agrarian life being replaced by the technological. And it just makes me sad, so sad, for I lived this...am living it. I've seen warm summer evenings catching fireflies change to no one being outside. I see children not know the value of a hard day's work and not being willing to work unless they're paid much more than their worth.

I've seen farm after farm with fields lying fallow; the broken and rusty machinery of their trade lined up beside barns that no longer hold anything but memories. Gone are the aproned grandmas standing behind screen doors watching for their men to come home from the fields. And it makes me sad, for this was the world of my childhood, and I want it back.

The book also contrasts two kinds of people. One is the kind that hankers and yearns for more. More life, more travel, and more education. These are the ones that don't come back once they're seen and tasted the bigger world.

The other kind of person is satisfied to do what has been done for generations before him. He's not dissatisfied with his life and wants nothing more.

There's an irony in Hannah's story, because she wants her children, as most parents do, to have all the benefits she never had. So she and her husband make sure all three children have college educations. While wanting the children to come back and help on the farm and someday take over, they realize that because of their exposure to new ideas, people, and places, the children are gone forever which perpetuates the dying of the farm and the life the community holds so dear.

As a grandmother, Hannah notices a grave difference in how she grew up and how her grandchildren now live. Since she lived in Port William all her life, she knew intimately all the other people living there which included her family. You get to know people that you spend time with; face to face in conversation or side by side doing work.
Now since her own children have moved away and only come for occasional visits, she doesn't have the pleasure of knowing her grandchildren very well. And that is only made worse by her grandchildren's indifference to her by their absorption in their various video games, phones, and other electronic devices. There is very little to none 'face to face' anything going on.

For anyone who's studied much of history, you know that ways of life come and go and the world keeps on spinning. And I'm sure it will continue to spin until God deems it time to end.

But this I know. People need to realize that with technological advances, wonderful as they are, comes much personal responsibility. We need to know when to limit our childrens' time with their various machines of entertainment. To say, "Enough. Turn it off and go outside and play." And then to do likewise, for if we don't follow our own good advice, neither will they.

We can still have a rich, mindful life today but not without much vigilance. For this I've learned, that the more you have and the more complicated life becomes, the more is required of you and the harder it will be to live simply and wisely.

Solitude

"When from our better selves we have too long Been parted by the hurrying world, and droop, Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, How gracious how benign, is Solitude." William Wordsworth

Innocence

Children lose their innocence piece by piece. The layers are carved away until our hearts have been exposed and polished into an unnatural gloss. We spend the rest of our lives trying to remember why we ever loved so passionately and how we dreamed so simply, before life chiseled us down

to the core. From The Stone Flower Garden by Deborah Smith.

Simplicity or Multiplicity?

More from Gift From The Sea: "Life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication. It involves not only family demands, but community demands, national demands, international demands on the good citizen, through social and cultural pressures, through newspapers, magazines, radio programs, political drives, charitable appeals, and so on. My mind reels with it. What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives. It puts the trapeze artist to shame. Look at us.

We run a tight rope daily, balancing a pile of books on the head.

This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of. It leads not to unification but to fragmentation. It does not bring grace, it destroys the soul. And this is not only true of my life. I am forced to conclude, it is the life of millions of women in America. I stress America, because today, the American woman more than any other has the privilege of choosing such a life.

Woman in large parts of the civilized world has been forced back by war, by poverty, by collapse, by the sheer struggle to survive, into a smaller circle of immediate time and space, immediate family life, immediate problems of existence. The American woman is still relatively free to choose the wider life."

She really knows how to nail a problem, doesn't she? I'm truly glad that we American women have choices, but for me, I have to choose simplicity. When I widen my circle too much, I get fragmented and frazzled. None of my pieces are beneficial to anyone. If I want to be whole, I must have a simple life, and that mostly means staying at home.

Ever since school has been out and I've been able to stay home more, the difference has been amazing! I'm much calmer and can actually complete a thought. Maybe I even get to write it down in a journal or blog post. This is the way I need/want to live.
I'm going to spend July and the first two weeks of August getting my heels dug in so that when school starts I can hang on to this way of life.

And to think Anne wrote her book BEFORE the internet and social media were invented. I wonder what her book would say if it were written now?

"Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?"

"We are living in an isolation that would have been unimaginable to our ancestors, and yet we have never been more accessible. Over the past three decades, technology has delivered to us a world in which we need not be out of contact for a fraction of a moment. … Yet within this world of instant and absolute communication, unbounded by limits of time or space, we suffer from unprecedented alienation. We have never been more detached from one another, or lonelier. In a world consumed by ever more novel modes of socializing, we have less and less actual society. We live in an accelerating contradiction: the more connected we become, the lonelier we are."

—author Stephen Marche, in his widely quoted Atlantic article, "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?" [The Atlantic, 5/12]


What do you think about the above statement; agree or disagree?