Waiting...

This morning, in about ten minutes, Laurel will give birth to baby Wilder. As I'm sitting here praying, worrying, and trying to keep myself from losing control, I wrote this in my journal.

Laurel

You, first child of my heart and your daddy's love, now wait to give over the fruit of nine long months-

months of ripening, ice-chomping, sleepless nights,

wonderings, and fears mixed with anticipation.

The other day when we were talking about people with strong personalities,

you said, "I don't think I have one."

That got me thinking about your life up until now. Out of five, you were my most stubborn and

strong-willed child. I think that over time, you've learned to have self-control and the wisdom to keep silent. Don't mistake that for weakness.

When I think about what you're going through at this early morning hour-

the self-sacrifice necessary to bring forth a child by unnatural means as

you have three times before-it takes my breath away. I hope someday to have your

courage and selflessness.

Until then, I'll stand back and observe you in your little world with three small sons

clinging, colliding, and jumping around you, their center, while you stand firm and tall-

new son in your arms, with bright brown eyes looking straight ahead to the future.