Self Knowledge

I'm reading this book The Creative Call and had a lightbulb moment just now. The chapter is entitled Making Time. The exercise was to list three things to which you wish you could just say no.

As I was thinking about why I don't have enough time to do art, I couldn't think of anything to say no to. I've dropped all superfluous things from my life. So why do I feel like things are crowding in on me and I have such limited time? Ding, ding....I realize that the problem is me! I can't say no to myself.

I want to fix everything and everybody and make the world a perfect place. I do this mainly with my own children. If they have a need, instead of just telling them how to fix it, I jump right in and say, "I'll do that for you." I need to show them how (if they want my help) and leave them to do it.

Gosh, that's hard for me! I think it's all bound up in my need for verbal affirmation, which is my primary love language. I want them to gush and say, "Wow Mom. What would I do without you. I couldn't have done that myself. You're the greatest!" I need help.

What I need to do is to resist the urge to 'fix things'. Then I'll have time to develop the gifts and abilities God has given me. I'll pray for discernment between real needs and MY need to have things as good as possible for my children. I need some 'tough love' for myself!