Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Proud Sadness


I haven't posted in a while, because we've started homeschooling for this year. This is our first full week, and I'm trying to stick to the schedule faithfully. The hardest thing for me to do is get in bed by 10:00. As you can see, it's 10:51, and I haven't had a bath yet. If I don't go to bed at 10:00 then I can't get up at 5:15. I'll get up instead about 6:15 which will give me time to have worship and exercise before waking Darcie at 7:00. I'll just miss writing in my journal and reading a book on creativity.

I got some bad news today. Garrett called and said he'll be leaving for Iraq on October 2. That only gives us two weekends, and he's not coming home this weekend. He's going to a Clemson game.

He kept asking me if he should go. Of course I'd rather he came home, but I wasn't going to tell him he had to. We'll get to see him for a long weekend the next week.

I hate this feeling of sadness I have. I have to keep telling myself over and over that I believe God is sovereign over life and death, and if it is his turn to die, he'll do it here in the U.S. or somewhere else. It doesn't matter where.

My heart says, "Of course it matters! I want him here in town where I can control things." Like I can! I'm having a hard time letting him go. I guess it's a mom thing.

5 comments:

Gretchen Joanna said...

I have gone through that experience with both my boys, going across the world way out of my control...and I eventually had the same thought: it doesn't matter, near or far, in war or on the highway, God will have to keep him alive. He is our life and breath.

Marissa said...

This makes me so sad. Not just because I love Garrett and am going to miss him, but now I understand from a mother's point of view how scary this must be for you. I can't imagine Royal going off to war. I know Garrett is still your little 14 month old in your heart. He is God's child though....so he WILL be ok. I love you Mrs. Debbie.

Brandy said...

I have been thinking about you a lot Ms. Debbie and praying for you. It makes me really sad to think about him leaving and I have cried talking to him about it and talking to Laurel about it, and I have never even been that close to Garrett (not that I do not value his life, but does that make sense?). There is just something so overwhelming about the whole thing. I can imagine it is very hard to remind yourself of God's Sovereignty. I will be praying for you and him and him soldiers.

Montell said...

Debby please know that Garrett and your family are very much in our thoughts and prayers. May God bless all of you and encourage you and keep Garrett safe as he leaves for Iraq!

Katy said...

A big hug for you. Words fail me.