Identity

I don't know if you've noticed, but on my blog and Instagram "About Me" I say, "Homeschooling mom for 28 years" as the main thing that defines me. I'm very proud of that fact and always will be, but I don't want it to define me anymore. I'm ready to move on to the next stage of life, whatever that may turn out to be. Do we ever really know until it's over?

I know some things I want to try to be; a mom who's always there to listen or help, a grandmother who spends time and listens to her grandchildren, a wife who is a companion and helper to her husband, a homemaker who keeps a clean, happy home for all who visit or live there, a friend who is available, and a woman concerned with the larger world and doing what she can to alleviate suffering and advance Christ's kingdom throughout the world. A tall order to be sure!

I also want to write, paint, and capture beauty with my camera. I want to travel and see new things. I want to be happy and passionate about life.

I've known so many people that, as they get older, just sit around and don't do much of anything. They seem content enough, but I want more. I hope I'm never satisfied with just sitting around unless I'm unable to do anything else. Then I hope I accept it with grace and serenity.

For the rest of my allotted days, I want to run (or walk) and laugh and hold my breath in awe over a sunset. I want to wake up in anticipation of what the new day will bring. I want to fully live and have no regrets over a life less lived than it could have been.

So, I guess it's time to change my "About Me" paragraph to reflect my current life and to let go of what I've accomplished in the past, not that those years will ever be forgotten. How could they when they encompassed half of my life?

The Beauty Experiment

While I admire the premise of this book, I wasn't too impressed with it. Maybe I'm just getting impatient in my old age, but it seems like she took a lot of pages not to say very much. I do admire her for finding her own way with regard to her hair, makeup, and clothing. I, too, am tired of seeing ultra-made up faces everywhere you turn and photoshopped bodies in magazines. And don't get me started on plastic surgery! Our culture is obsessed with an unattainable perfection. At least she's willing to look natural and real. I've shared her angst with trying to find the perfect dress for a party only to be frustrated in those 3-way dressing room mirrors with how many bumps and lumps can be seen.

My 14-year-old daughter and I have been doing a lot of shopping lately to find her something to wear to a school masquerade dance. We found it fairly quickly, but just walking into a store and being confronted by all the choices almost makes me hyperventilate! I HATE shopping. Add in the stress of trying to agree with a teenager on dress length and top coverage and it's a wonder I don't break out into hives!

We did agree on one thing. We've both noticed how before you walk into the store you feel pretty good about yourself, but as soon as you walk through those big glass doors, you feel dowdy and inadequate. The clothes are so perfect and the salespeople are the same. And then to add insult to injury, you have to confront the dreaded 3-way mirror in the dressing room. Shopping online eliminates all the negative aspects of shopping for me. I can look at the garments one at a time and not have my senses assailed by too many selections. And I can shop in my pajamas and no makeup. Shopping bliss, I tell you!

Wordsworth on Birth

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The soul that rises with us, our life's star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come,
From God who is our home."
William Wordsworth

I think this is such a beautiful description of an eternal soul. Contrary to popular psychology, we don't come into this world a 'blank slate'. Ask any mother who's ever carried a child for nine long months, and she'll tell you that each one has an individual personality apparent from the very beginning. Girls are different from boys. Siblings are different from each other. We're all uniquely made by a Creator. We should spend time each day marveling on that fact.

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:14

Betty Collins, Quilter Extraordinaire

That's my mama I'm talking about! She's an amazing quilter with stitches so small they can barely be seen. Recently, one of her quilts called Tomboy Bride was included in an exhibition sent to China. The book shown is from that show and tells about each featured quilt and quilter. She's also been in a few other books and has taught quilting for many, many years at a local college. I own several of her quilts, I'm happy to say, and consider them my most prized possessions.

People ask me if I quilt. I say, "Yes, I can, but why should I?" I have many quilts already and will someday have more. I really don't see the point. I guess because it's not my favorite form of needlework. I like smocking, embroidery, and French handsewing much better.

Mama instilled in me a love of the needlearts, and I thank her heartily for taking the time and effort to fool with a stubborn, left-handed daughter. I love you, Mama!

Too Many Choices

"This abundance of choice not only makes every transaction take ten times as long as it ought to, but in a strange way actually breeds dissatisfaction. The more there is, the more people crave, and the more they crave, the more they, well, crave more. You have a sense sometimes of being among millions and millions of people needing more and more of everything, constantly, infinitely, unquenchably. We appear to have created a society in which the principal pastime is grazing through retail establishments looking for things-textures, shapes, flavors--not before encountered."

I don't know who made the above quote, but I agree with it. This is why I almost never shop for clothes in a physical store. I shop for what I wear online. I've even bought chocolate, tea, herbs, books, and movie tickets that way. My senses are overwhelmed when there are too many choices. I'll walk into a dress shop, stop, and just stare. The choices are paralyzing, where in a catalog I can see what's for offer in very small bits. And even if something has to be sent back, it's worth it to me not to have to drive to the store, walk in and return the item, and try to find a replacement. It might cost a little extra in shipping, but having peace of mind is worth a few dollars.