Sunday, April 22, 2012
What Would I Be?
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.--Epictetus.
And the struggle continues to find the time to create; to be what I feel God is calling me to be. Time is taken up mostly with children and grandchildren, worthy things to invest time in and yet...I can't get to myself. I only see myself at a distance; the things I want in life and the things I want to accomplish are ever elusive.
I feel like I need to set boundaries around some time for myself, yet I don't want to appear selfish to my family. I don't think that's a bad thing to do. I want to please my family, but I'm not pleasing myself. One thing I've discovered about myself which really surprised me. I'm a people pleaser when it comes to my own family. I have a fear of being called selfish by them. But good grief, how much is enough? It's a vortex I can easily get sucked into and never find my way out.
Youngest daughter and I are about as opposite as two people can be. She can't stand being alone and has to be on the go all the time. So I spend an inordinate amount of time running her here and there trying to keep her from being lonely and bored. But I say again, GOOD GRIEF! I'm sick of it.
I'm going to have to create boundaries and have the courage to stick to them even when she thinks she'll die from the silence that is at home. She needs to see that my needs aren't being met and at least meet me in the middle.
Well, that's all I have time for now. I have to go pick her up at the barn where she's been riding her horse for the last three hours.