Rediscovering Myself

I'm sorry these photos are so small. I scanned then onto IPhoto and rotated them but couldn't get them any bigger. Any suggestions? Help!



I started reading this book, When Organizing Isn't Enough-Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern, and I think it's going to be the icing on the cake for me. I've been through so many mental and emotional upheavals these last few years. I think this book will help me to finally move on with my life.

Ms. Morgenstern suggests that you pick a theme for the next phase in your life and let that propel you forward. Mine is going to be "Rediscovery and Exploration". She asks, "What lost parts of yourself can you rediscover through your memorabilia?"

You get so busy taking care of others and doing whatever is required in the smooth running of your household that you can lose sight of the person you are down deep; the REAL you that makes you unique. It helps to find that person again by looking at old photos, newspaper clippings, and saved treasures from your childhood.

I got out my two photo albums from my childhood and went through them with a discerning eye, and this is what I noticed. Two things stuck out more than others. One is that as a small child, there were lots of baby dolls in the pictures. I always had a new one each year at my birthday, and there were several in which I was playing with them. I have never considered myself maternal until I started having my own children. But looking back at these photos I realize that I spent a lot of time playing mommy. I'm angry right now, and I'll have to explain why.

When I was nine or ten, I went to summer camp for a week. It was a Bible camp in Dayton, Tennessee. We had this Bible memorization in school (imagine that!) where if we memorized a certain number of verses we got to go to camp for free.

A woman missionary was there speaking to us about her work in Ghana. She was going to show us how the women there carried their children on their backs. She said, "Let me pick out a girl that looks motherly." She didn't pick me. Right then and there I labeled myself "NOT MOTHERLY". I figured it was obvious to all that I wasn't the motherly type. I remember feeling shame that I wasn't picked. Isn't it strange how children do this to themselves?

So for the next fifteen years I pushed all thoughts of someday having children out of my mind. I wanted to get married but didn't want children. Gayle and I never once talked about having children until right before Laurel came into existence. Strange!

But now looking back at my old pictures, I realize that I was maternal at a very early age! I feel a new sense of finding my true self that's been buried for forty-three years! You would think that after five children and four grandchildren I would feel maternal enough. But now I'm Mother Earth! It's very freeing to put a demon to rest. I feel a future post lurking in the background; about how we cripple children by unconsciously labeling them. Of course, I mostly did that one to myself. I'm sure that if I could meet that missionary now and tell her what she helped destroy in me, she would be mortified.

To get back to the main theme of discovering myself in my memorabilia, I also noticed that from middle school on, I had designed all of my party dresses. I've always loved describing exactly what I wanted a dress to look like and having Mama make it for me.

I'm always describing to Laurel how I want to dress while I'm at home working. I love retro clothes with a bit of funk added for surprise. I've also come to learn that I have a very theatrical nature. Not that I like being on the stage; I HATE BEING UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! I like for everyday life to be quiet, yet I want to FEEL every minute I live with great intensity.

So my new theme for life is: REDISCOVERY AND EXPLORATION.

So how will this hopefully affect my present life? Well, I think I'm maternal enough! But I do want to stop talking about how I want my clothes to look and start designing and sewing again and try to get some retro everyday clothes made so I'll be the cutest grandma ever!

Mantra

Here's a good saying to follow for those of us trying to be less wasteful and more resourceful. I think it's an old Yankee saying, but don't let that stop us Southerners from using it! It says, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Good advice in any century, I think.

Americans, on the whole, are a wasteful, consuming bunch. It's time to turn things around, one person at a time, and become more responsible and less, much less wasteful. Let's think before we buy something new and buy mostly what we really need and not to satisfy our wants. Let's lose the "gimme-gimme" attitude and start asking what we can give back to our family, community, and world. I'm ready. How about you?

Creativity

Me attempting to watercolor at the John C. Campbell Folk School, and the week long results of the class. Mine are at the lower right hand corner.

To be artistically creative and to enter into the creativity of others is to exercise the image of God in one's self.

Quote of the Day

Ora de Labora by Saint Benedict. Pray and work. A good motto if you ask me.

New Challenge: Day 1

I started the day with a green smoothie. I added two cups of water, two handfuls of spinach leaves, a frozen banana, a bag of frozen tropical fruits, a cup of blueberries, a little honey, and a little vanilla syrup. It made a blender full that I'll drink from for several days. I drank 16 oz. today. It's not the best thing I've ever tasted, but it's okay. I guess I'm used to my regular smoothies which have milk, yogurt, and sugar in them.

I ate pretty well today too. I only had a little sugar in the form of a Hershey's Nugget and a few chocolate covered espresso beans. I'm sure to see a few ozs. lost in the morning when I step on the scale. I'm afraid that before the thirty days are past, I'll be sick of green smoothies!

New Challenge

Count me in, Laurel! I'll do the 30 Day Green Smoothie Challenge with you. I won't have any trouble at all with the requirements except one; no white sugar for a month!

Here are the requirements: Drink at least 16 oz. of green smoothie a day, exercise daily, no soda, and no white sugar.

I like green smoothies, I already exercise every day, I hardly ever drink sodas, but I do like my sugar. I'll definitely cut way back on it, but to go a whole month without any? I don't think so. But I'll give it my best shot. I definitely need to lose about thirteen pounds. Maybe this will give me the jumpstart I need.

My Dream Day

I'm reading this book called Slow Time-Recovering the Natural rhythm of Life by Waverly Fitzgerald. She gives you an exercise to do called "The Dream Schedule".

You're supposed to take your Daytimer, planner, or whatever you use to make your weekly schedules on and write out your dream schedule.

My ultimate dream schedule would be to live at the beach and do whatever I felt like whenever I felt like, but she's talking about your daily schedule during the school year.

So I started writing down my dream day and then realized that it's what I already do. Wow! I have a great life! Oh there are the usual upsets, but overall, I love my life! Based on my previous post and what John Calvin said, I pray, "God, please don't zap me because I've got a great life." No, I don't believe God works that way. I think He wants me to be holy AND happy. Sorry John! But of course he sends times of testing. That is, after all, how we're sanctified.

Here's my Dream Day taken from the schedule I've made out for our new school year which starts Sept. 8.

5:15-Get up, dress, make-up

5:30-Journal

5:45-Read some creativity book

6:00-Morning Worship

7:00-Exercise- Yoga, Weights, Biking, Walking

8:00-Breakfast, cleanup, make bed, check e-mail

8:30-Straighten house/Zone cleaning

9:00-Blog/Write

9:45-Check Darcie's schoolwork

10:00-Teach Darcie language arts

10:45-Tea

11:00-Leave to take Darcie to co-op classes

11:30-Home/Piano & other instruments

12:00-Check e-mail/Eat lunch

12:30-Project Time

2:00-Reading/Rest

3:00-Leave to get Darcie

3:30-Home/Teatime

4:00-Iron/Sewing

5:00-Home Arts with Darcie

7:00-Supper/Cleanup

7:30-Check e-mail

8:00-Evening Worship/Read to Darcie

8:30-Straighten house/Plan next day

9:00-Bath/Read blogs

10:00-Bedtime

Two afternoons a week I take Darcie to chorale practice and horseback riding, but when we're home we follow the above schedule.

I don't follow it 100%, because I'm a great believer in spontaneity. Lots of times I stay up much later than 10:00 which means I can't get up at 5:15. And I'll get involved in something in the morning and get on a roll and instead of sticking to the schedule, I'll do the certain something all morning.

It's not the best way to do things, but it keeps me from getting bored and allows for more creativity. I do follow the schedule more than not.

And Darcie is doing independent schoolwork while I'm doing other things. So for as long as we're homeschooling, this is a great schedule for us. I'm truly blessed to be able to teach her, stay at home, and do my creative projects.

I do look forward to the day when I can spend bigger blocks of time on creativity and acts of mercy.